Me and my bestie, Jess, in the fastest photo op ever, next to our work. Glorious.
Okay, kids, this is totally not the surprise I had in store for you, but it's so much better. This is a little senior prank the girls of my high school graduating class pulled, called "Senior Girls Bustin' Out." If it's not clear, these are boob-painting murals. Yes, we all got together and painted them with our boobs. It's okay to be impressed. You'll also be impressed with my black pleather pants, badly bleached hair, and Transitions lenses. In my defense, it was the 90s.
A huge shout out to Teri Blankenship-Engelmann for taking this video back in the day and keeping it alive for 15 years. You're the best.
Mother's Day is this weekend. Did you get your mom/wife anything? If you didn't, don't worry because you still have time to clean the entire house. Because she's not kidding when she says all she wants for Mother's Day is a clean house. And 25 hours of sleep. So get on that. Go. Do it.
Normally, I would have lots of links and stuff to share with you today. But I wasn't on Facebook or Twitter this week, so yeah … Read more…
Yes, this is me dressed as a human jelly bean. It is both hilarious and depressing. Okay, maybe just hilarious.
Holy smokes, you guys. Guess what this week is? That's right. It's National Anxiety and Depression Awareness Week (May 5–11, 2013). Ah, how poetic! I was going through some old drafts in the blog files and found the following post, which I wrote a few years ago. (You'll notice that I sound like a very Serious Sally. It's not the subject matter — I just hadn't found my voice yet, y'all. No worries.) I thought about rewriting to find the funny in it, but I wrote it from my heart, and I figure you might as well read it that way. And I didn't want to take away from the truth of how difficult it can really be sometimes.
So, here it is, without any attempts at humor to hide the hurt. This is how I deal.
Rose are red. Violets are blue. I'm a schizophrenic, And so am I.
You guys, I'm going to be brutally honest: I'm in a really weird place. Usually, I can find some humor in my fatigue, dog poop, kids' pee, and not showering for days on end, but y'all … my sense of humor is gone, and I think my kids took it.
I woke up tangled in sheets of sadness this morning. I had a dream about an old friend. We've all had ex dreams, right? Well, this wasn't an ex-boyfriend — it was an ex-BFF. And I should clarify further: I thought we were best friends. She never felt that way. Anyway, in my dream she invited me to join her sorority, which I'm sure is rife with symbolism, but as a therapist once assured me, dreams like this are not actually about the ex, they're about you. So, obviously, this means something about me and what I'm working through right now, and I've come up with two possibilities.
1. I hate Twitter. I know this seems like a non sequitur, but bear with me. Although I really liked Twitter when I first started using it, I can honestly say that I just don't get it. I know I'm in the minority here, but on some very basic, fundamental level, I do not understand the rules of the game. I know people will argue that you're connecting with celebrities people you'd never have an opportunity to meet in real life, but let's be honest, friends. You're not. You're in a one-sided relationship with a whole lotta people who you know don't and never will.
No, not really — this is the face of motherhood. I haven't slept in a week. Hee hee.
Today's post has been brought to you by the letter F and the letter B.
Okay, so I wrote a while back about trying to break my social media addiction. To my complete and utter surprise, I've actually done pretty well. I'm using my phone for calls, e-mail, and RSS subscriptions; all other accounts I only access online. I, of course, would be hitting it out of the park if I left the house for extended periods of time, but I don't, so when I have a minute, I usually check. Today, I decided to take it to the next level: I'm scaling back to a once-a-week social media check-in. Like everyone, I have toyed around with deleting my account forever, but it's just too extreme. (This guy quit the Internet for a year. He agrees that it's just too far.) So, I'm going with once a week. I think it'll let me keep up with what's happening with my friends' lives while actually still having one of my own.
Remember when I told you that Scarlett hates my singing? Well, I think we've worked through it. Turns out she just hates my belting because it's too loud. Fair enough. So, we've come up with a solution: when I'm practicing she either hides in the closet or stays upstairs. Judgers, this is not Privet Drive. The closet is ginormous with two dollhouses and a cupcake kitchen in it, so it's not like she's doing hard time. Sometimes I go in there to hide too. Anyways, I'm working on a new song, and I decided to videotape (Is that still a word?) my practice session so that I can better identify things I need to work on. I hastily set up my phone and started recording. These are the moments, friends. Instead of something useful, I managed to record a metaphor for my life. Oh, life, you so funny.
Warning: The link to The Nu Project in this post takes you to, well … The Nu Project, which is a series of nude photographs of women. They are non-pornographic by nature, but you still probably shouldn't look at them at work. And in case you're worried: "All participants are over the age of 21 and signed model releases before appearing in the project. All ages are verified."
You guys, I kind of want to do this. Have you seen? Are you now asking why I'd want to pose nude? Well, because (see warning above) The Nu Project is kind of amazing. And I never got to be a nude model for life drawing at the real college I went to before transferring to music school.
After years of seeing airbrushed/computer-generator women in magazines, I love the honesty of these photographs. I love these ladies for putting themselves out there. I just love it. I can't help but wonder what life would be like for women and girls if they saw images like this instead of the manufactured images that we see everywhere. Participating in this project would be an incredible way to change the currently skewed perspective we all have about what women look like. I really do want to help women feel better about themselves. That, and world peace. Read more…
Okay, kids, for those you who missed it on the Facebooks last month, here's my very first stand-up set. I managed not to puke or black out during the performance, so I'll call it a win. Also, I hate watching myself on video, so Brian forced me to watch it and having done that I can now share it with you. I hope you dig it.