Long time, no blog

Is this a fake hang-up?

I did not hang up, friends. We're just temporarily disconnected.

Friends! I'll make this quick because I'm typing in bed, and I can't use my power adapter because Stanley thinks it's a cat toy. We don't have a lot of time.

It's August, and I'm going back to school (woot woot) in a few weeks. I haven't been around here much the last six months because it's been a time of big changes for me. This blog was a most-​​needed creative outlet for me when my life was very much lacking in work that I found meaningful. I adore my children; this does not mean that being home with them 24 hours a day is good for me. I could probably write 43 different posts about staying home vs. working, but for now let me say that we will all be happier when I am working /​ in school. I'll still be teaching voice, which I love and plan to do indefinitely. Plus, I get to work toward a new career that I am very excited about. (I shadowed on Monday, and it was amazeballs.) We've found a wonderful daycare/​preschool for Leo and Scarlett that I am confident they are going to love, too. I feel incredibly lucky and blessed. (I don't even mean that ironically. It's completely in earnest.)

So, let's not be strangers! I quit Facebook, but you can find me on Twitter. And I'll be blogging on my website about my process as I transition into music therapy. I may pop back over here every once in a while, but most of my energy and focus will be on my family and school. Thank you, all my lovely friends, for all of your support over the last few years. It's been quite the journey–thank you for taking it with me.

photo credit: Lotus Carroll via photopin cc

Be interesting again.

teeth

I may be going through my quarter-​​life crisis. After 10 years of tunnel-​​vision determination to get into dental school, I'm here… and I'm struggling with how to keep going. I have wanted to be an orthodontist from the moment I sat staring at my new teeth in the passenger's seat visor mirror of my mother's Camry in 2003. Fast forward 11 years and I will compose my application for orthodontic residency in roughly 15 months. I have that long to get interesting again.

I didn't expect this to be an issue for me. Throughout high school and college it was easy to stand out. Be the geeky athlete, the sports-​​loving chemist, the small-​​town public-​​schooled girl at a country club university, the girl with hot pink nails and chalk covered hands, the spear throwing vegetarian, the tall, dark-​​featured sister. Now I'm a dental student. All of the things that make me interesting are things I used to do–and that's kind of boring.

It's time to decide how I want to reinvent my interesting. How to make myself stand out.  Those who interest me are passionate, knowledgeable, and mysterious risk takers, trend setters, relationship builders… It's time for some soul searching.

They get me every time

Sometimes, you just need a good cry. These are the scenes that get me every, single time.

The final scene of Driving Miss Daisy when he gives her that first bite of pie.

Jennifer Holliday singing "And I'm Telling You" at the 1982 Tonys. I can't imagine what it was like live–I would have openly wept.

Renée Fleming and Cecelia Bartoli singing "Sull'aria" from Le nozze di Figaro. The beauty, my god.

And the end of Toy Story 3. Scarlett likes to watch because she thinks it's cute to see me cry. You should see the face she makes when she looks to see if I'm crying. It always makes me smile.

Real life

Reality

I feel like the Interwebs could use a bit more real life than edited and filtered life, which is part of why I left Facebook. It's also why I posted this one for you. Of course, if we know each other in real life, there's a 98% chance you've already seen me cry, but still …

Okay, you can go find a kitten meme now.

photo credit: Brian

Great unhappiness

PSHPhilip Seymour Hoffman died from a yet-​​to-​​be-​​confirmed drug overdose on Sunday. I have been irrationally affected by this. He was my favorite my actor, but I didn't know him personally; this hasn't stopped me from crying almost non-​​stop for the last two days. This is extreme. I'm really upset–as in I'm heaving and crying while I right this. Now, this, of course, leads me to ask myself, "Why?" And after contemplating it, I think I know.  Read more…

Coconut + flax banana muffins

Not too bad, eh?

Not too bad, eh?

Bordeom got the better of depression this morning, so I made muffins. I'm following a few different food blogs these days, and I had all of the ingredients for this one, so that makes it the winner. But I was the real winner because they turned out really, really well. Brian was shocked when I told him they're actually vegan (or cholesterol-​​free, if you're not into the whole vegan thing). Scarlett and Leo had two each. I hope you like them, too.  Read more…

[big sigh …]

Apparently, I'm really into brackets. Those are brackets, right? Ah, yes. The other ones are braces, or curly brackets. Of course.

There is a new trend among my blogging friends: they don't blog. Of my 30 or so friends (the ones I know in real life) who have a blog, only one is consistently blogging. (Hi, Scherck. Keep up the good work.) Where did you all go? I think this lady nailed it with dead-​​on-​​balls accuracy in this post. This dance party isn't so much fun any more. You went home, but I'm hanging out here in the ugly lights. Maybe I should call a cab.

For me, I haven't blogged in a long time because I feel that I can't really be honest about where I am right now. I'm in a bit of dark spot. Yes, I have dealt with depression on and off since I was a teenager, but I'm not sure this is depression. I think it's just circumstantial. My husband is in medical school, and I stay at home with two kids under four. I don't particularly enjoy staying at home. I teach part-​​time, but it's only a few hours a week. I volunteered to sing with the opera workshop class at OU this semester because I need to get out more. I sing with a church choir on Wednesdays and Sundays. All in all, it's about 10 hours a week. These are generally the 10 happiest hours of my week.  Read more…

[obligatory end-​​of-​​year post: 2013]

Happy New Year, friends!

I should be reviewing 2013 in this post or outlining all of my resolutions for 2014, but all I really want is to do better next year. So there you have it.

Honestly, I'm not a big fan of NYE. For years, it always seemed to end up a total bust, so I've been staying in since 2008. I like to drink champagne and fall asleep before midnight. It's a tradition. Maybe I'll use one of my new owl mugs this year.

I was overwhelmed by the kitschy goodness of these mugs.

I was overwhelmed by the kitsch.

And even though I don't love New Year's Eve, I love all y'all, so I hope you have a good one. Stay clean, stay off the streets, and may all your Christmases be white. Happy 2014.

photo credit: Brian

Six by Sondheim made me sad. What the …

I was super excited to watch Six by Sondheim (the newest Sondheim tribute/​documentary) after I read about it in The New Yorker (I think). I even forced Scarlett to sit on the couch and watch it with me so she could hear Audra sing "Send in the Clowns." It was eye-​​opening, funny, inspiring, and left me feeling so sad that I'm now having a small anxiety attack. Honestly, WTF? Mostly, I think this is because it left me feeling that I may never accomplish anything in life because his dedication and passion is so big it probably has its own weather system. Also, Leo took a nap at 4:00 PM, which was five hours ago, and he's still asleep, so he'll probably get up in the middle of the night, which means that I'm going to be up in the middle of the night. This is not helping to assuage the knot in my back and chest. Gah.

Good news: I figured out how to post here from my phone. Game changer.

Bad news: Yesterday, I lost one of the earrings that Brian got me for my birthday. I loved those earrings. They were perfect. I am pulverized by this latest thing.

Good news: I love Twin Peaks. Thank you, Interwebs, for Netflix.

Bad news: I don't have a photo for this post, and no one reads the posts without the photos.

Good news: Brian snapped this awesome shot of me earlier this week. Now I have a photo.

Remember Joey's smell-the-fart acting from Friends? Exactly.

Remember Joey's smell-​​the-​​fart acting from Friends? Exactly.

You're welcome. Happy Monday night.